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Essentials: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in the Short & Long Term | Dr. David Buss

Shownote

In this Huberman Lab Essentials episode, my guest is Dr. David Buss, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and a pioneer in the field of evolutionary psychology. We explore the science behind human mate selection in both short- and long-term relationships. We discuss universal traits valued in long-term partners along with key differences between women and men in what they prioritize when selecting a mate. We also discuss the darker aspects of mating behavior, such as deception, the evolutionary function of jealousy and the motivations behind stalking. Read the episode show notes at hubermanlab.com. Thank you to our sponsors AGZ by AG1: https://drinkagz.com/huberman LMNT: https://drinklmnt.com/huberman Function: https://functionhealth.com/huberman Timestamps (0:00) David Buss (0:21) Mate Selection, Preferences & Competition (3:26) Desirable Qualities of Men & Women, Universal Traits for Long-Term Mates (4:38) Women’s Preferences; Men’s Preferences; Age Differences (8:58) Sponsor: LMNT (10:32) Mate Deception & Online Dating, Tool: Travel, Stress & Emotional Stability (13:41) Short- vs Long-Term Mates, Men vs Women Preferences (15:58) Sponsor: AGZ by AG1 (17:27) Jealousy, Mate Value Discrepancy, Vigilance to Violence (20:58) The Dark Triad, Sexual Harassment & Coercion (22:18) Stalking, Motivations & Outcomes (24:57) Sponsor: Function (26:38) Childhood Attachment Styles & Relationship Stability (27:43) Self-Assessment for Mate Value, Self-Esteem (31:20) Evolutionary Psychology & Neuroscience (32:05) David Buss’ Books; Acknowledgements Disclaimer & Disclosures Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Highlights

This episode dives into the evolutionary underpinnings of human romantic behavior, guided by Dr. David Buss, a leading figure in evolutionary psychology. The discussion unpacks how deeply rooted biological and psychological mechanisms shape the way people choose, compete for, and maintain romantic partners across different relationship contexts.
04:38
Women use mate-choice copying due to high costs of poor reproductive decisions
13:50
Women prioritize 'bad boy' qualities in short-term mating and 'good dad' qualities in long-term
17:27
Jealousy serves a mate-guarding function in long-term relationships
20:58
A subset of men with high Dark Triad traits commits most acts of sexual violence
22:19
80% of criminal stalkers are men, often seeking to win back ex-partners
26:40
Secure attachment supports stable, long-term relationships
27:44
The level of interest someone receives from others can signal their mate value.
32:07
Sexual conflict arises from evolved differences in mating strategies between men and women.

Chapters

David Buss
00:00
Mate Selection, Preferences & Competition
00:21
Desirable Qualities of Men & Women, Universal Traits for Long-Term Mates
03:26
Women’s Preferences; Men’s Preferences; Age Differences
04:38
Sponsor: LMNT
08:58
Mate Deception & Online Dating, Tool: Travel, Stress & Emotional Stability
10:32
Short- vs Long-Term Mates, Men vs Women Preferences
13:41
Sponsor: AGZ by AG1
15:58
Jealousy, Mate Value Discrepancy, Vigilance to Violence
17:27
The Dark Triad, Sexual Harassment & Coercion
20:58
Stalking, Motivations & Outcomes
22:18
Sponsor: Function
24:57
Childhood Attachment Styles & Relationship Stability
26:38
Self-Assessment for Mate Value, Self-Esteem
27:43
Evolutionary Psychology & Neuroscience
31:20
David Buss’ Books; Acknowledgements
32:05

Transcript

Andrew Huberman: Welcome to Huberman Lab Essentials, where we revisit past episodes for the most potent and actionable science-based tools for mental health, physical health, and performance. I'm Andrew Huberman, and I'm a professor of neurobiology and oph...